Irony #6

✦ STARSEED STRATEGY SUMMIT 2025 ✦
“Saving Earth with Vibes Alone”

Live. Loud. Light-coded.

Location: 5D-but-in-a-Hotel-Conference-Room
Dress Code: Flowy chaos, poorly grounded crystals, and unresolved parental trauma

EVENT HIGHLIGHTS:
– Opening Ceremony:
Breathwork led by a Galactic Elf from Pinterest

– Panel Talk:
“How to Activate DNA Using Only Hashtags”
featuring:

• Arcturian Steve
• Siriusan Moonbeam
• And someone’s Pleiadian ex who now channels whales

– Workshop:
“Selling Your Trauma as a Soul Service: A Masterclass”
Bonus: Free aura photo with purchase of a karmic contract

– Closing Ceremony:
Group Light Language Chant That Accidentally Opens a Portal to Walmart

SPECIAL GUESTS:

• Ascended Master Karen (via FaceTime)
• Lemurian Priestess #438
• The Divine Masculine (probably won’t show)

TICKETS:
• 444 USD
• 333 if you pay with tears from a past life
• Free if you can prove your twin flame hasn’t blocked you this week

Remember:
You’re not here to heal.
You’re here to float, post, and repeat,

“Everything is happening for a reason”
while doing absolutely nothing about it.

#StarseedSummit2025
#WeCameToHelpButAlsoToSellStuff
#GalacticGaslighting101
#AscensionButMakeItABrand