WELCOME TO ASCENDR
Where every match is either a soul contract or a spiritual warning.

Tired of mundane Earth dating?
Want to skip healing and jump straight into a karmic spiral?
Ascendr connects you with other awakened beings who:

• Meditate, manifest, and emotionally dissociate
• Speak fluent light language during arguments
• Blame Mercury retrograde for commitment issues

FEATURES:
• Swipe right if they look vaguely like someone from Atlantis
• “Send Soul Nudge” button (opens their 3rd eye without consent)
• Bio section for key stats:
– Star origin
– Chakra imbalances
– Number of unresolved past lives with their ex

PREMIUM FEATURES INCLUDE:
• Past-Life Compatibility Scan
• Astro-Vetting (now includes Mars retrogrades + childhood wounding overlay)
• “Ghost Me with Gratitude” option

SUCCESS STORIES:

“We matched in 3D but bonded in 5D. Now we trauma-bond across dimensions!”
“Our kundalini awakened on the first date. I haven’t slept since.”
“They blocked me but I know it’s a test from the Universe.”

RED FLAGS TO LOOK FOR:
• Says they’ve “transcended ego” but needs validation every 4 hours
• Explains cheating using Saturn returns
• Claims they’re celibate “for spiritual reasons” but sends moon nudes

Download Ascendr now.
Where every match is either your destiny or your downfall—there’s no in between.

#AscendrApp
#SwipeRightOnTheLoop
#ConsciousButStillChaotic
#SoulmateOrSpiritualLessonWhoKnows